Simon Battersby

Simon’s first law – Comms rooms

One or more of the following will apply

• There will be no room in the comms room for the new server. Resolving this will necessitate anything up to and including an extension to the building.
• There will be insufficient power supplies
• There will be no spare ethernet ports

Note that these rules apply regardless of how recently a comms room has been built.

Simon’s second law – Address formats

No matter how unlikely it seems at the outset, there will be an intense discussion about addresses at some point, normally involving postcodes. This may well extend beyond intense, into heated.

Simon’s third law – head scratching

At some point more than three people will be observered clustered around the same screen with slightly vexed expressions on their faces.

Simon’s fourth law – telephony testing

You will, at some point, have your desk phone to one ear, and your mobile to the other ear, talking to yourself. It’s inevitable. Don’t fight it.

Simon’s theorem on development gurus

In normal circumstances, on any given development project, there’s someone who can fix anything. It may take you a while to work out who he/she is, and even longer to get his time. Slightly more than half of these people are called Dave.

Corollary to the theorem

If no such person exists, you’re in trouble.